I was talking to the piano

and the piano started talking back.

"Shut up!" I said.

"No, you shut up" said the piano.

I don't like being talked back to by any of the furniture.

"You're out of line" I said. "And you're out of tune. You're a dust-magnet and you don't pull your weight."

The piano got huffy.

"I'm an instrument. I'm not a bloody lump of furniture like that lazy, useless sofa. If you could play me, you'd know. I'm a sensitive-"

"I'll play you" I said. So I did-