Thursday, March 31, 2005

autumn

Autumn's early this year.
March 26 I took the three little kids down to the beach and we had a good swim, fossick etc under grey skies- but warm, humid, the sea friendly. On the 29th, it was cold. Still, after getting in and sprint-swimming the first few minutes, it was surprisingly pleasant. Certainly a corporal tingling upon egress, but- or perhaps because of this- uplifting.
Maybe I'm hitting an autumn phase in life, too. Grumpy. Taciturn. Quick to anger.
I feel I love the kids to bits- but I still yearn for time away. The weight of all the things I've started- all those unfinished, forgotten, or still slow-burning projects- there's a kind of panic. Time is slipping away, through my hands. I sense my "consciouness" burning time the way the world is burning oil- as if they weren't finite.